We'll miss you, Roger!

While we were still in Texas, I asked Roger, "What are 5 things you're looking forward to about going home?" He said:

• English Breakfast
• Driving
• Chris and Russ
• The new baby, Faith
• And being able to understand people again

Let's hope those weren't in order.

Then I asked him, "What were 5 highlights from the past 2 1/2 months here?" And he said:

• The Maid of the Mist boatride at Niagara Falls
• The Sears Tower in Chicago
• The Statue of Liberty in New York City
• Skydiving in Chicago
• Working with Emmaus Ministries

I just dropped Roger off at the airport last night, and I hope all of you in England are ready to welcome him home!

I think this may be it for the blog - ?

Roger's Essay: The Wrong Question

Yesterday, you read Lail's essay; today is Roger's:


The purpose of this essay will not be to tell stories from the internship because I feel we have fulfilled that through the blog. But rather this essay should serve to communicate my insights. However I would also like it to attempt to answer a question that has come up in conversations before arriving at Emmaus and during my stay here. This is a question that I have also asked my self. What can Emmaus do for these men?

Before arriving at Emmaus I hadn’t had any ministry experience in working with male prostitutes or people that were so dependent and thus addicted to drugs. I was understandably apprehensive. I didn’t know how I was going to react to the men and how they were going to react to me. I didn’t have any real knowledge of this world and thus was scared I would say or do something wrong. Even though I have had experience working with young people that were very street wise, I knew that wouldn’t have prepared me enough for a new country, culture and thus a very different street life.

My apprehension, however, left very quickly when I re-learnt a very important lesson from Nathaniel. Everything that we do must be covered in prayer and thus, handed over to God. Don Jean-Baptiste Chantard put it very well when he said that an apostle (Christian) would insult Jesus Christ if he relied on his own powers.[1]

Even though Nathaniel had explained that ministry with Emmuas sees very little fruit - the reality didn’t really hit until I had experienced it. Working with these men is not easy, it is not that a lot of the men don’t want help, but because of their lifestyle and addictions getting them to ‘follow through’ is hard, if not impossible. One of the men put it this way; ‘you can never give a drug addict a chance to re-think’. What he meant was, once they have decided to go into rehab, they’ve got to go that day otherwise the pull of drugs will be so strong they will never go. Humans are fallen we cannot expect them to follow through on their own or even with support, God has to be working as well, it is only through his power that these men will turn around. That’s why the AA program recognises God in recovery and is firmly based on His word.

But what can Emmaus do for these men? I have learnt over this internship that this is the wrong question to be asking, as it brings in the possibility that no work should or can be done to help these men. Rather the question we ask must be; what should Emmaus do for these men? The answer I think is two fold – nothing and everything, let me explain.

Emmaus in one sense can do nothing for these men in view of their spiritual walk with God. That is not to say that Emmaus is useless in its ministry. Emmaus like any ministry should recognise it cannot take anyone closer to God by its own good works, we cannot help them to change their lives to be more like that of Christ’. Don Jean-Baptiste Chantard put it like this;

‘Failure, on the part of the apostle, to realize…that he could produce the slightest trace of supernatural life without borrowing every bit of it from Jesus Christ, would lead us to believe that his ignorance of theology was equalled only by his stupid self-conceit’.[2]

It is, I believe, only God who can fulfil that role. He only draws people to himself through his son Jesus, he only through his Holy Spirit sanctifies people – makes them more like Jesus. I’m am not saying either that these men are hopeless and will never find God, a lot of these men would say they have received Christ’s forgiveness – they are in a relationship with God. But as much as it is God’s work to change these men at the same time it is up to the these men to want to grow in their relationship with God they have got to equally go along with God, want to become like him and thus ask him to help them in that.

Likewise in view of the men’s physical life to get off the drugs into a job ect – which co-insides with their sanctification, without God this would be a useless task. These men are so addicted to drugs so use to their life that they need God’s supernatural powers to change, any work we do as humans would be worthless.

However my answer to the question was two fold and the other side is that Emmaus should be doing everything we have mentioned above.

God has chosen to work through two things. Primarily, the Holy Spirit uses His own word (the bible) to change us. Secondly He works through his family – other Christians. Emmaus is part of God’s family and therefore should lovingly bring God’s word to the men so that He can speak to them and change them, as the apostle Paul said ‘how can they hear (and thus trust in God and change) without someone preaching to them’.[3] We should because the Holy Spirit speaks through Christians by gracefully showing the men how their lives need to change so they become more like Christ in a loving and humble way.[4] Emmaus should also be working to take these men off the streets and into rehab and jobs, as this is part of their sanctification and thus God will be working in it.

In conclusion I have re-learnt that we must cover everything we do in prayer, without God working in this ministry any work we do is hopeless. This has been brought to my attention so much more because of the type of ministry Emmaus is involved in.
I have also come to realise we should and must help these men; there must not be in our minds any kind of thought that we shouldn’t work with them. We mustn’t either just help them to get out of prostitution and off the streets but, we should also spend as much time and energy in helping them – being used by God, so that they get to know and grow in him.


[1] The Soul of The Apostolate, Don Jean-Baptiste, Page 9
[2] T.S.of.the.A, Page 9
[3] Romans 10:15
[4] As long as what we are saying is from the bible – The Holy Spirit would never contradict his own word and therefore from Him to speak through us we need to be using his words, the bible.

Why Are You Not a Prostitute?

Did you grow up in a loving family and in a safe neighborhood? Do you have a good education and a good job? Have you avoided traps like drugs and alcohol? Do you hold high morals concerning your body and sexuality that you could never engage in something as low as prostitution?

Many of you, may have answered 'no' to these questions. You had tough childhood, you don't have a good education, and you were/are using drugs and alcohol, then why are you not a prostitute? Really ask yourself, "Why am I not a prostitute? What makes me different? What factors in my life have kept me from leading a life of prostitution?"

We have both thought about this question a lot since our internship. Why can one child grow up in an abusive household, be sexually abused as a child, get involved with drugs, and end up as a prostitute, while another child with the same issues doesn't? Or conversely, another child can grow up with a completely happy childhood, still get involved with drugs, and still end up as a prostitute.

It's really easy to detach ourselves from the issue of prostitution, as though it is simply a problem that affects them and not us. But the reality is, none of us are immune from going down this same path. So really, why aren't you a prostitute?

The more we thought about this we realized how complex it all is. But we did come up with a couple of answers: First, is the concept of Grace. Grace is being given something that we don't deserve and didn't earn. It was through God's grace that we could have great parents, a good education, and job skills to fall back on. It was also God's grace that prevented us from getting sucked into drugs and alcohol. Most importantly, it was God's grace that opened our eyes to Jesus. It's God's grace that keeps our eyes on Jesus. This doesn't leave much room for boasting in our own strengths, efforts, or wise decisions.

Second, is that everybody has a part of them that has been corrupted, which the Bible calls 'Sin.' This corruption shows itself in different ways with different people. For us, our sin will be different than to that of a prostitute but that doesn't mean that we are better or worse than them, only that it is displayed in a different way.

So why are the men we worked with in Houston involved in prostitution instead of working in an office job, with a nice family and home? There are, in fact, many people who are functional alcoholics and drug abusers, and will never in their lifetime end up on the streets. It's not that prostitutes haven't been shown grace, (everybody receives grace, this is referred to as Common Grace, which God gives to everyone without distinction. One way this is shown, for example, is the gift of life), but the corruption in their hearts is different to that of an average drug user; the evil their hearts desire is stronger. And that is what leads them to a life of prostitution. They have chosen drugs for whatever reason that may be; many didn't choose prostitution, but prostitution is a consequence of what they have chosen.

We're not saying we have concrete answers about all of this, it's just something we've been thinking about a lot. But we'll ask you again, why are you not a prostitute? Maybe some of you have further thoughts and better answers than we do.

Lail's Essay

As part of our internship, we were all required to write a brief 2-page essay. This essay was to be a reflection on the internship, including our insights and experiences. Today we thought we would post Lail's essay and tomorrow we'll post Roger's.


In London, I worked at a drop-in center for homeless men and women (97% of our guests are male). Many of them have problems with drug and alcohol abuse. For some, these substance abuse issues have caused their homelessness, for others these issues are a result of their homelessness, and for practically all these issues prevent them from moving out of homelessness because of the additional problems drugs and alcohol cause. Now with Emmaus Ministries, prostitution is also added into the mix, which only further complicates the situation.

Interning with Emmaus has been a valuable experience for me. My aim is still focused on starting a similar ministry in London. I’m not sure whether this is where God will lead me but I’m grateful to at least have had this month-long exposure as a learning experience. I wanted to use this month to learn and grow. I also prayed that God would use this month to speak to me. I feel that He has given me a heart for men, especially men who are broken, forgotten about, or exploited. My overall experience at Emmaus has been wonderful because these are exactly the type of men we encounter. My heart for men and my desire to help men has been confirmed while at Emmaus.

I was really encouraged by the emphasis on personal spiritual growth as being a vital part of ministry; I’ve truly realized the importance of this. Whatever I may end up doing in the future, I want my ministry to be centered in my relationship with Christ. It’s only been in the past year, that I have become aware of the concept of a spiritual battle and the importance of prayer in the midst of this battle.

I know that I will take back with me to London, what I’ve learned from each of the men that I’ve had the privilege of getting to know. John, who was the first guy I met, has taught me that not all hustlers are rough, violent, and aggressive characters. Some will be extremely friendly and outgoing. John was always so willing to participate in everything, he practically always showed up when he said he would, and made a sincere effort to get to know me as well as letting me get to know him. John has also taught me to avoid generalizing; such as, all hustlers come from broken and abusive families. John told me that he had a nice childhood, his parents were married for forty years, and his sisters all have good jobs at present. Maybe he is the exception, but it still serves as a good reminder to me to avoid boxing people in and generalizing their situations.

Derek, who was raped by a female friend of the family as a child, has reminded me that men are not the only offenders/abusers of children. I’ve learned that his outright contempt for women is complicated because it started at such a young age. Many of the men Emmaus works with have unresolved issues from their childhood that are still hindering them in their adulthood. Derek's claim of being a homosexual is also complex because as he’s had sex with more and more men, he’s become confused about what he enjoys sexually or who he is physically attracted to, even if at one time in his life he preferred women.

James has taught me the importance of encouraging and supporting the men, even in what seems like the most mundane of tasks. I felt James was at a point of absolute hopelessness and self-pity, that it was a struggle to simply run errands and fill out forms. Having to follow procedures, go to different offices, or talk to people, deterred him so much, almost to the point of giving up altogether. Literally, ‘being there” or being present with someone as they are going through this process seemed to be making a difference in his mood and outlook on his situation.

Scott is another reminder to me that the things that happen to children will affect them long into their adult lives. Scott was given weed at the age of four by his mother and he struggles with a drug addiction now. Scott told me in length about his sugar daddy, Marcus who is a millionaire and paid for everything Scott could ever want, including drugs. Marcus even allowed Scott's girlfriend to live with them for five years. Scott talked about Marcus very fondly, but now looks at his life, as an older hustler on the streets, with anger. If anything, I think this teaches me that I still have a lot to learn about all the dynamics and complexities of hustling.

Rick (the man with the chain) serves as a warning to me. He’s someone I enjoyed talking and laughing with; he’s so friendly and was wonderful to get to know. But at the same time, I’m reminded that he is living a life of survival. When the situation calls for him to be angry and violent he will respond accordingly. Just because he is nice to some Christian ministers who are offering to give him lunch, doesn’t mean that he won’t attack another person with a thick, steel chain when money is owed to him.

One thing I’ve also learned is that not all hustlers hate their lives and want a way out. Some, especially among the younger ones, but not necessarily, like how easy and plentiful money can be. They are still enjoying a life of drugs, drinking, sex, and partying. They see no reason to hate it and oftentimes will say that once things get really bad, that’s when they will do something about it. It seems that this is yet another reason why prayer is so important in this ministry. God will be the only one that convicts them of their lives and the way they are choosing to the live the life He has given them.

I can’t say that at the end of this internship I have all the answers about running an organization such as Emmaus, and that’s not what I was expecting to gain. Mostly it’s been important for me to learn that this is God’s work. When a change does come about in any of the lives of these men, it will be because of Jesus and not because of anything I’ve done. The best things I can do for any of the men, is to pray for them, teach them the bible, and love them as Christ has loved me.

Roger's Last Outreach

Sorry this is a bit late, but with the drive back to Michigan I've fallen behind on writing.

I went on Outreach on Saturday with Brain and Sunday night with Nathaniel. Both nights were surprisingly quiet. Hardly any hustlers were out. But on both nights as we were walking from the Emmaus office to the area we work in I had, what can only be described as, a much stronger sense of darkness coming from the streets, but didn't know why until half way through Sunday night.

On Saturday night because it was so quiet we just sat outside 611 bar for a while. A customer from there came out and started talking to us. He really didn't like the idea that we were there working with the male prostitutes. He said, "This area is fine with out you, everything works great, we don't need people trying to come and change it". We tried to explain that we were not there to change things but just wanted to talk to the hustlers; but he just didn't listen. He was really quite drunk so that probably didn't help.

During our conversation he seemed to be flirting and coming on to me, even though I had told him very clearly I wasn't gay. When that didn't work he then changed and started to try and intimidate me. We finally decided to leave the conversation because it wasn't getting us anywhere his anger towards us just kept growing and growing. There weren't any hustlers out either so it was best just to leave.

Sunday, Nathaniel and I did an exit interview. We spent a long time in Cousins, the local drag bar, talking about the internship, what was good about it, and what could be improved upon for the next group of interns.

After the interview finished, we walked around the area, just having short conversations with some new dealers and some hustlers that Nathaniel knew but I hadn't met yet. As we walked by 611 we saw a dead chicken. We both had the same thoughts - aren't chickens used by devil worshipers? Nathaniel expressed his thoughts first, then he said that the hustlers often talk about Voodoo that goes on around the area. This is why I think I had that sense of darkness. Voodoo on the streets really isn't surprising considering everything else that goes on in that area. So we walked back over the area and prayed.

It was a shame that I didn't get to see the men that I had gotten to know over the last month for one last time, but it just reminded me how unpredictable the streets are. You never know who you are going to meet and what situations you are going to have to deal with next.

Love & Hate

We're back in Michigan today! We left Houston yesterday morning and did 14 hours of driving. Today we did the last 6 1/2 hours. As we look back on our past month in Houston, we have determined the pros and cons of our experience.

The following is a list of what we LOVE about Houston (in no specific order):

• Emmaus Ministries
• Nathaniel and Brian
• Anna and Berkeley Glass for putting us up for the past month
• Snickers, the dog!
• Sunita, (Lail's mom's childhood friend, who lives in Houston) for her wonderful home cooking and hospitality
• Meeting the hustlers on street outreach, eating lunch with them, and getting to know them
• Emmaus' Community Meals
• Mari Wylie and Steve Capper, our spiritual mentors
• The amount of time we've been able to spend in prayer, reading, and ministry
• The tons of cats that roam around the Montrose area where we work

And now, the things we HATE about Houston:

• Cockroaches are everywhere, especially at night
• Mosquitoes - we think we may have 50 bites between us
• Nobody walks anywhere! The city is set up to be car-focused
• The humidity makes it unbearable to be outside
• It's rained practically everyday that we'd been there
• Food in Houston is not very good. Eating out has been a big let down
• We're pretty sure Roger is allergic to Houston air - he hadn't stopped sneezing since we arrived
• Bad drivers

Goodbye to James

We found out yesterday from Nathaniel that James now has full-blown AIDS, and is in the hospital. So today we went to visit him and to say goodbye since we're heading back to Michigan on Monday.

It was really nice being able to see him one last time. He looked much better now that he's getting sleep and food regularly. He said he wasn't sure how long he would be in the hospital nor how long he has to live.

We took a few pictures and told him that we would keep in touch through sending letters to the Emmaus office. To our surprise, tears came to his eyes and he thanked us sincerely for helping him. He said, "I owe you guys a lot. I wouldn't have been able to do this without your help." It was really humbling for us to see him cry. This is a guy who is easily angered, a guy who becomes volatile with anyone, including people who are trying to help him. To see his genuine appreciation left us both quite speechless.

We realize that James still has a long journey ahead of him once he gets out of the hospital. He will still need to get his ID and Gold Card, he has to find a place to stay, and eventually get a job. But for him it shouldn't stop there; he still has a long way to go in his relationship with God. The two of us may not be able to help him with that, but Emmaus will of course carry on that work.

We've included a picture of James in his hospital bed, but we've blurred out his face in order to maintain confidentiality.